| UNSOLICITED ADVICE COLUMNS by Carol R. Doss, Ph.D.
LIVING THE UNCONSCIOUS LIFE Action without assessment…sound familiar? We tend to do and say things without a conscious reason. And if we have a reason, it's only vaguely coherent. Most behaviors aren't viewed by individuals as chosen. Instead, we fall back on the reactionary stance to validate our actions. "Well, he started it," we say as if we're eight years-old. In this world, we struggle to find accountability and we always want to start looking for it in the other guy. Accepting personal responsibility goes much farther than paying your traffic tickets and trying to find time to vote. In order to really be in charge of our life experience, we have to put some energy into figuring out why we do what we do. It would also be a good idea if we ask ourselves the question, "Is it working?" Far too many people are wholly engulfed in living unconscious lives. While they may purchase and read self-help literature and always peruse snippets they find on the internet about parenting, relationships and career investments, individuals aren't thinking. There is little evidence of it, anyway. The thought that usually is obvious is the amount of energy we put into figuring out why the other guy does what he does. We're obsessed with reality television. Fascinated. Ignoring the fact that most reality shows are manipulated to present only the most interesting aspects of reality, why are we so interested in other people's psyches? Around the water cooler at work, on the subway and in the living room, we discussed ad nauseum what happened on last weeks Survivor or Nanny 911. We're not nearly as clear on why we yelled at our kids last night or how come the new dating relationship is starting to feel like the old one. It's easier to look at others' actions than to see our own. Self-examination is one of the hardest things humanity can do. Whether seeking multiple relationships that repeat the same cycles of behavior or running through the loop in only one relationship, people tend to be repetitive. Whether in a job situation or friendships, we struggle to look at our own actions with an objective eye. What was I really feeling? What did I expect to get out of that behavior? I've been here before, and I don't like it. What do I need to do differently? We tend to change the situations or our surroundings rather than alter our own actions. What is that definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome? And yet, this is a typical human behavior…among those who think they're healthy! Seeking to understand ourselves--even the painful, awkward realities--will give us the power to craft our lives. We're in charge of our own actions and powerful in having the ability to steer our own lives.
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